


if i lose myself tonight (it'll be by your side)

by bellamyblke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, literally just a lot of dialogue and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblke/pseuds/bellamyblke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke's going into the City of Light but not before making sure Bellamy knows what he means to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i lose myself tonight (it'll be by your side)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote a lot of this after 3x14 but kinda stalled bc i didn't know what the specifics would be surrounding clarke's entry into the CoL...3x15 gave me new inspiration (wasn't that episode incredible???) to finish it off! hope u all enjoy and thanks for reading x

“Clarke. A word.”

Clarke takes one look at Bellamy and can tell by the clench of his jaw that they’re about to have a tough conversation. He tilts his head towards the corner of the room before leading her there, away from the others and the prying ears of eavesdroppers. Bellamy’s hands ball into fists at his side and Clarke thinks she knows what’s coming.

“Are you out of your mind? What the hell kind of plan is this? Weren’t you the one who said we needed to be in this together?”

“That was before we discovered the stakes, Bellamy. Almost all of Arkadia is in there. Now that Ontari’s brain dead…this is the only way we can save everyone. I have no other choice.”

“Yes, you do.” Bellamy says angrily. “Let me go while you stay here. I’m dispensable, Clarke. You’re not. The people need you here.”

“No, the people need me _there_. But they also need you here. To hold everything together while I'm gone.”

Bellamy opens his mouth as if to argue but clearly thinks better of it as he clamps his mouth shut, running a hand over his face in anguish and frustration. His eyes take on a look of desperation and Clarke is taken aback by the intensity she finds within them.

“Don’t go,” he nearly whimpers. “Not again.”

She looks at him then, _really_ looks at him. The way she always has and always will, the way he deserves. With respect, admiration and utmost of all, with understanding. Because there’s no other person on this planet who she relates to more than the man standing in front of her and she will never be able to thank him enough for being _that_ person. Her person.

“Bellamy. You know I have to do this.”

He gives a rejected sigh and runs a shaky hand through his dark curly hair. “It’s just - when I lose you, I lose myself. I just went through that, I don’t want to do it again.”

“You won’t have to, okay?” Clarke says, pouring as much sincerity and genuineness into her words because she _does_ mean it. She can’t guarantee it for certain but she knows she’ll try her damnedest for him, for their people. “You won’t have to because I’m coming back. Not three months from now or three days from now. I’m coming back today.”  

Bellamy gives her a withering, teary-eyed look that nearly brings Clarke to her knees. Instead, she surges forward, arms wrapping around his shoulders in the tightest embrace she can muster. She feels his hands rest on the small of her back, muscles squeezing tightly to hold her there as their cheeks press tightly against one another. 

Clarke debates what she’s about to say next as she tightens her grip around the man she trusts so much. “Raven mentioned to me before we left that thinking of Finn is what snapped her out of Alie’s trance.”

A pause hangs in the air before Bellamy pulls back and Clarke suddenly feels cold without his embrace. He frowns, both hands still clutching her elbows almost instinctively. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Raven thinks…she had a feeling that love is what breaks someone out of the City of Light. That love is the key to all of this.”

Clarke can practically see the gears grinding away within Bellamy’s mind. She pinpoints the moment he puts it all together because his eyes alight with realization, a spark flaring behind his eyes. “Like an anchor connecting you to reality.” 

“Like an anchor,” Clarke repeats with a nod of her head. “It's just a hunch at this point but it’s the only thing that makes sense. Bellamy, if I’m going to get out of the City of Light in one piece…I have to link myself to someone I feel a strong connection with.”

Bellamy nods. “Your mom,” he states, as if the answer is obvious.

And it should be obvious, Clarke thinks. And maybe before they’d come down to Earth, it would’ve been. Her mom would’ve been the default choice to pull her out of the City of Light, the person who she shared the deepest connection with. But after shouldering so many decisions with the man in front of her, after saving each other’s lives more times than she can count and being there for each other at every turn…being on Earth has taught Clarke Griffin that she can survive anything - but only with Bellamy Blake by her side. 

She sighs and meets his eyes with a slight shake of her head. “Not my mom. I couldn’t even give up the passcode when she was hanging from the ceiling, minutes from death. She won’t be enough to pull me out.” 

“Then who?”

Clarke swallows. “Alie knew my weakness is my friends. She wanted to use it against me, to get me to spill the passcode. She was going to start with you.” 

He flinches, “Me?” 

“Bellamy, I…I was so scared then. Not for your life but for everybody else’s. Because I realized that I wouldn’t have lasted five seconds of you being tortured. I would’ve told them the passcode in a heartbeat.”

Bellamy only stares at her, wide eyes glassy and unbelieving. 

“I was willing to let my mother hang if it meant saving our people. But you…” She drifts off, staring into his unwavering gaze as though they were the last two people on Earth. Clarke steps forward and takes Bellamy’s hand in both of hers, staring up at him with so much gratitude and affection that she’s afraid she’s going to burst. “Bellamy, I have no idea what it’s going to be like in there. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. But if I’m going to save our people and finish this…I can’t do it without you. I need you to pull me back home when it’s time.” 

Clarke watches as Bellamy focuses on his hand clutched in hers. He takes in a shaky breath and avoids her stare, looking somewhere past her. “And what if I can’t?” His gaze shifts briefly to her eyes, her lips before he continues. “How will I even know what to do and when to do it?” 

“Because I trust you,” she states, echoing her words from just earlier that same day. “And I trust what we have. Bell, if anybody can get me out of there, it’s you and I know it. Please. I need you to say that you’re in this with me.” 

There isn’t a moment of hesitation before Bellamy rumbles out a low, “Of course. Of course I’m with you, Clarke.” 

And that’s all she needs to do this. That’s all she needs to step into the restraints, to let the chip slide down her throat, to let herself believe that, as she slips into the City of Light, she will come out of this on the other end, alive. 

Because Bellamy’s with her. And they’re in this _together_.


End file.
